(mixed signals)

This morning my head is a biscuit tin, with the broken remains of an assortment rattling around inside.

The first biscuit is vodka-flavoured shortbread, a rather unusual Scottish biscuit from the 70s that was made for a time by The Sensational Alex Harvey Band. Sadly, all that remains of this biscuit is the phrase "Isobel Goudie". The rest of it seems to have vanished and i don't feel like looking for it.

The second biscuit was nasty and jarring and entirely distracted me from the first one. It was a cheap supermarket own-brand chocolately one, wrapped in foil. The foil was patterned to make it look like the mobile phone that rang in the communal hallway not a moment after my return from nod. This biscuit comes with a nasty version of something classical and if you try to eat it, the will foil squeak on your teeth.

Then there was the inevitable crumbly old digestive. This old biscuit was called Humph and had something to say about a 'Mid-Atlantic Variation'. Whether this really had anything to do with Mornington Crescent or not is anyone's guess. I'm not even sure this biscuit ever existed outside my head.

Lastly, a classic biscuit: the two-fingered chocolate wafer. This delicious treat was brought to us by more than one maker and from the bits that are left of it, it's hard to tell who made this particular one. Safe to say, however, that it was made with tainted love.

That is all.